Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
