did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
