If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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