Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
