god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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