I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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