Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
