Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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