umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
