I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
