Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
