Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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