Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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