in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
