the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
