I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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