Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
