If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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