I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
