It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
