All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
