paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
