i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
