I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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