We won't sleep together?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
