We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
