I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
