So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
