we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
