no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
