got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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