My underwear smells like fireworks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
