i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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