I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
