please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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