Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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