i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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