she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
