My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
