Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
