Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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