But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
