there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He shit in the fireplace
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
