omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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