I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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