Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
