meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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