I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
