Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
