before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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