my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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