I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize