I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
