I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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