Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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