I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
