Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
