You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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