New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
